Violence is a serious matter that can have long lasting effects on the people on the receiving end of it. The following is the sequence of steps that can help you avoid another outburst. First recognize your physical or behavioral cues that signal that you are beginning to get angry. There are internal signs such as muscles tensing up, your heart starts to race fast, and you begin to feel warm and trapped. There are also external signs such as tapping your feet, pacing around the room, waving your arms, getting loud, and beginning to swear.
After you detect the warning signs, immediately communicate to the other party that “I need to take a break” and that you will be back in an hour. Then leave the room for a full hour to calm down and to get in touch with how you are feeling. Take several deep breaths and write about your feelings. Then, take your time to reflect on your stressful thoughts and start countering them with positive and reassuring self-talk. Be careful to not to drink or not to drive to a bar in this hour. This is your hour. Take this time to take care of yourself in a healthy way which will make you feel better about yourself. Once you return to the other party in an hour, you can use “I-statements” and “active listening” techniques as effective tools to communicate in a responsible and a non-blaming way. If you begin to escalate again take another break. Share this article with your partner, siblings, and friends.