Tis the Season: Holiday Stress and Mental Health

By Nick Ryan, Psy.D, LMFT, ATR-BC

In our busy and time demanding world, I have noticed that once Halloween comes, the pace of life increases likes a runaway train heading directly into the holiday season. Stress during the holidays affects many of us as we make travel arrangements, plan the holiday menu, receive invitations for events, parties and activities, spend money and decorate. Then, before we know it, it’s over and we can exhale once again. Holiday stress is not uncommon; however, when we are living with anxiety or depression through the year, we can be especially impacted during the holidays. For others, because of all the activities and spending time with family they may not feel depressed until after the holiday. Post-holiday depression exists as a result of possible disappointment, returning to feeling alone or isolated, and having less to look forward to.

The World Health Organization (source: https://www.who.int) describes depression as having persistent feelings of sadness and loss of interest in activities. Symptoms of depression can include feeling sad or anxious, having trouble falling or staying asleep, poor concentration, changes in appetite or weight, feeling tired or low in energy, feeling guilty, worthless, or helpless, and even thinking about suicide or hurting yourself. People may increase their use of alcohol and other substances to cope with the stress. Depression can affect our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. 

Stress, as defined by the World Health Organization (WHO) is “worry or mental tension caused by a difficult situation” (source: https://www.who.int) What happens when we’re stressed? WHO suggest that stress makes it hard to relax. When well-intended people tell a stressed person to “chill out”, it can create further frustration.  Because stress is a physiological reaction within our nervous system, our body may experience headaches, heart palpitations, body pains, upset stomach, and if chronic, it may lead to long term physical problems such as a weakened immune system, heart disease, and depression. (source: https://www.apa.org/topics/stress/body)

Why do we get so activated during the holidays and what do we do about it? 

• Grief: If you have lost or are separated from loved ones, feelings of grief and isolation may surface. Strategies to manage mood changes include reaching out to your support network. Research has shown that those who have a healthy, positive support system “led to better health, longer lives, and report higher well-being.”(source:  https://socialwork.buffalo.edu/resources/self-care-starter-kit/additional-self-care-resources/developing-your-support-system.html) Other ways to address mood and anxiety includes a regular routine. For example, bedtime routines promote healthy sleep hygiene. Avoid electronic devices 30 minutes before bed (put the phone in a drawer, in another room), don’t eat prior to bedtime. You can optimize your sleep environment by creating a consistent schedule, keep your sleep space quiet, dark and at a comfortable temperature. The Mayo Clinic (source: www.mayoclinic.org) reports that exercise elevates our endorphins which is “a feel-good neurotransmitter.” Exercise can distract you from worries. Practice mindfulness which is a strategy that shifts our mind to the present moment. Focusing on the ‘here and now’ can reduce feelings of grief when overwhelmed. Mindful practice involves directing your attention to a grounding experience for example, mindful eating can eliminate restlessness and judgement, and instead notice the appearance of the food, the aroma, flavor, and texture. Slow down, eliminate distractions (phone, tv) and be ‘present’ with your meal. This can not only improve focus, soothe anxiety and improve mood, but can improve digestion and weight control. 
• Expectations: We often have expectations of others or ourselves during the holidays. Do you hear the internal chatting that tells you to be cheerful for others, get the right gifts, over spend money to make the holiday special? Having unrealistic expectations sets us up for possible disappointment or running ourselves ragged. If you can’t or aren’t able to do something (attend an office party, bake Christmas cookies), then let yourself off the hook. It’s ok to say “no”. Prioritize what is important to you. 
• More responsibilities: We often take on additional responsibilities (often related to expectations) to the existing demands we already do such as working, caring for loved ones, etc. We want the holidays to be a time to create great memories and connect with family and friends. There may be many demands of our time such as buying gifts, attending social events and ritual activities, planning and decorating. What can you do about it? Set realistic expectations, don’t give in to FOMO, set limits and be kind to yourself. Turn the volume down on judgment about feeling the need to do more. Finally, prioritize what is important to you. Make your holiday guilt-free. Instead, enjoy the time with friends and family. That’s what will be remembered.
• Family dynamics and conflict: Let’s be honest. There may be people you will see during the holiday season that stir up feelings that you’d rather avoid. That obnoxious uncle, critical parent, argumentative sibling. First of all, use self-regulating strategies to keep yourself calm Try box breathing. Inhale for a count of 4. Hold the breath for a count of 4, and then slowly exhale for a count of 4. Do this 4 times. The exhale will activate the parasympathetic nervous system to help calm the body. It’s like taking your foot off of the gas pedal. Another self- regulating technique is to stimulate your senses. This will ground you to reduce risks of becoming overwhelmed with anxiety and anger. Think about what your senses enjoy. For example, what smells calm you? Cinnamon, vanilla, sage? If you’re in your own space, have scented candles lit. If you’re at someone else’s home, bring a scent preference with you (cinnamon or vanilla stick, sage leave) and keep in a Ziplock bag. When you are feeling triggered, go to a private space and use your box breathing and enjoy the scent you brought with you. Allow yourself to feel calm. And most important, don’t judge yourself. Let those nagging critical thoughts melt away with each exhale you take. 

If you feel overwhelmed and the suggested techniques don’t help, seek help from a professional to support you through the season. This action is a demonstration of strength. Seeking help can be empowering and reduce feelings of isolation. You don’t have to manage stress alone. Feeling stress during this time of year is not uncommon but does not have to control you.