Codependency is a personality style where the individual constantly focuses on other’s needs instead of her own need. The codependent person has a hard time being the center of attention and accepting care from others. So, she/he ends up taking on the role of a “helper” in the relationship because of feeling responsible for the other party’s suffering in life. A codependent usually seems very competent and able on the surface while internally feeling very helpless. Codependency has roots in one’s childhood or early experiences where one of the individual’s caregivers (or both) were neglectful or abusive towards the child. In order to be accepted and to ultimately survive, the child learns to adapt him/herself to the needs of the caregiver while ignoring his/her own feelings, thoughts and needs. As a result the person does not develop their own sense of self and this is why it is very hard for them to trust their decisions, and have such a hard time making decisions in life.
Codependency does not have a diagnosis in the DSM-V; however, it shares a lot of traits found in the diagnosis of Dependent Personality Disorder (DPD). People with DPD have an unrealistic fear of not being able to take care of themselves once being left alone. They tend to volunteer to do things for others although it may not be pleasant for them, and they do this in order to not lose other’s support. They have difficulty expressing their disagreements with others out of the fear of losing other’s approval. They have such a hard time doing projects on their own because of their lack of confidence in their abilities.
Codependent people usually suffer from low-self-esteem, chronic anxiety, mild depression, and may be dependent on a substance such as food/sugar, alcohol, or drugs. Condependent individuals can get support from free Codependant Anonymous (CODA) 12-Steps meetings or Al-Anon meetings. In addition, they can benefit from psychotherapy sessions and addressing their traumatic childhood experiences and mourning over their losses. Therapy helps to develop a true sense of self where the individual learns that their wants and needs are as legitimate as others, and eventually feel comfortable expressing them.
Navah Elyasian, LMFT
Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist
Insight Choices Mental Wellness
8265 Sunset Blvd., Suite 204
West Hollywood, CA 90046
Office: 323-375-0950
Fax: 323-351-5240